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Ramblings and Reflections
- Fighting for Our Friendships by Danielle Bayard Jackson
- “Because in a world where women are often undervalued and underappreciated, we need exceptional connections with other women who make us feel safe, seen, and understood.”
- How do we find friends? Whether online or in-person makes no difference. Connection, camaraderie, and comfort. While I cannot remember how I formed most of my friendships, I do recall meeting Patricia.
- As a military dependent, I moved a lot, sometimes twice in a single year. Making friends came easily, keeping them not so much. In fact, relocations gave me the opportunity to reinvent myself, refine what I liked and didn’t like about myself. Because a better me might develop more meaningful relationships. And time was precious lest another transfer occur before I created any lasting friendships.
- We met in high school. In this upper middle-class enclave, I stuck out. Most of these kids grew up together. Boldly, I approached Patricia after science class and asked if she wanted to be best friends. She informed me that she had a best friend. Though disappointed, Patricia and I maintained a friendship. Today, we rarely converse. Generally, sending only holiday texts. But since reading this book, I consider what initially attracted me to her and how our relationship evolved to its present state of almost non-existence.
- Jackson explains how women expect loyalty, emotional support, and symmetry. This can unexpectedly set us up for disappointment and distress. Harvard University conducted a happiness study and discovered the quality of our relationships “has the greatest impact on our overall life satisfaction and well-being.” Positive associations affect cardiac health and the potential risk of dementia.
- This shouldn’t be surprising, but our interactions with those friends undermine this truth. Often, the very people we need for emotional well-being are undervalued and taken for granted.
- According to author Marilyn Yalom, female friendships have four ingredients: affection, self-revelation, physical contact, and interdependence. These components appear obvious. And yet, a psychologist, Dr. Joyce Benenson, found “…women extend less leniency, have less resilience, and perceive more violations in their friendships.” Sound familiar? We manifest self-destructive behaviors toward our nearest and dearest. Taking them for granted or simply failing to nourish shared experiences.
- As a friendship coach, Jackson teaches women to “persevere during conflict” to salvage female relations. The importance of this skill cannot be overemphasized. Thus, I decided to share components of her work throughout the year. To encourage people to take a moment. Evaluate your alliances, current and prior ones. Nurture important people in your life.
- I found this book offered something for everyone on personal growth. A perfect opportunity to consider where you stand with those people who claim they are loved ones.
- “Feminist friendship is an inherently political practice of developing relationships marked by intimate bonds of understanding, care, and support that help us know how to show up for each other better across our differences.”